Unwritten Rules of a Man's World

Today was a fantastic day for me. I woke up at a brisk 7:30 this morning right out of a dead sleep. I wrote an email or two that I had been putting off for far too long, laid on my bed for a few minutes and then made a game plan; Cabelas, groceries, massage, dinner, home. So naturally I hit the road.

I threw on my faithful hoodie and fleece vest combination, cranked up the motor in my uni-sex sport utility vehicle and away I went. South bound on I-15 to Lehi in a February rain storm. I was headed for one of my favorite stores on either side of the Mississippi, Cabelas. So, I made the jaw clinching journey down the interstate driving along side what are some of the worst drivers on the map, in my humble and rather inexperienced opinion. Needless to say, I made it. I strolled through the doors of Cabelas in Lehi Utah with a grin on face comparable to that of a six year old opening a new Tonka toy for his birthday. That six year old knows two things for sure. First, he can move a whole lot of sand in the sandbox out back. Second, the tires on that thing are going to make one awesome streak up the middle of his sisters favorite barbie. So it is with boys. We are relatively simple creatures.

I grin for two reasons. First, I knew what I came for: a weatherproof backpack cover and food. Second, I knew everything else that I didn't come for but really wanted, was on the other side of the doors I was about to walk through. Let the games begin.

I wandered for some time today just looking at stuff (something that I can really only do in a place like Cabelas). Roughly thirty minutes into my adventure at the "World's Foremost Outfitter," I had to use the restroom. So, I took my elated self to the front of the store and strolled on into the men's room. There they were, a glistening row of urinals all to myself, with the exception of the dad coaching his young son who is clearly too short for the "big boy" potty. So, I find my way to a vacant urinal and begin my purpose there. Here enters my observation. Old guys obviously don't understand the unwritten rules of a men's bathroom (for length sake I will not discuss them all here). I am assuming in good faith that the dad coaching his pupil to my left will educate him on the proper selection of a urinal in the "Men's Room." To keep it simple, the only time it is permissible to approach a urinal that has adjacent urinals filled, is when there is no other option. If at all possible, you should never stand shoulder-to-shoulder in a men's bathroom while urinating. It just isn't right to be so close together. Need I say more?

Today at Cabelas, in a very short stay in the bathroom I was sandwiched, TWICE! As if it isn't bad enough to get the social bubble burst once in that setting, I got the double treatment. The place where the manliest of men are supposed to roam has led me to believe today that maybe we should have some tutorials on the rules of engagement in the Men's room. See if I ever pee at Cabelas again...

On a lighter note, I still love the place. Three hours later I had covered more than my intended list of awesomeness to see and walked away ready to go back. Do you think Cabelas would let me move in?

Goodnight, Gentleman. Choose your urinal wisely next time. You might end up on some strangers blog!